My Maserati does 185


If there was any question beforehand, let me just reiterate that the United States has the best legislature money can buy.

There’s nothing that inspires patriotism and loyalty to The Regime like senators who will fuck over their constituents in plain sight. I’d like to say it’s their fault but that’s not really how it works, now is it? You can’t blame politicians for being myopic and self-serving and eternally fucking vile in every way any more than you can blame a dog for wiping its ass on the carpet.

Sure it sucks, but it’s their nature, you know? They don’t know any better.

Unless you teach them.

Dogs will piss on your floor, kids will crap in their shorts, and elected officials will act despicably. The burden falls to us to learn them the error of their ways with whatever regimen of corporal punishment and negative reinforcement we find works best.

That’s right shitbags, it’s Personal Responsibility Time!

Repeat after me:

“It is my fault that all of this fucked up stuff is happening, mine and nobody else’s. I continue to vote for these tards, and continue to sit idly by while they lie, cheat, torture and abuse the citizenry.

I sincerely apologize for being so lax in my duties and promise to be more vigilant in the future, lest my perpetual fucking stupidity ruin things for countless generations of my descendants and allow my country to devolve into a police state. I suck at democracy and am sorry.”

And you tuned in hoping I would just tell you some funny story about drinking and shit.

Silly reader.


What particular burrs got under my saddle this week?

So fucking many, man. And it’s only Wednesday.

Way to step up to the plate with that No Vote, Hillary. Keep tip-toeing down that yellow line in the middle of the road.


It’s the colleges’ fault our antiquated and supremely fucked up IP system is collapsing! Thank god our hired Senators can legislate the genie back into the bottle.


And the kicker:

Everybody who voted for it should be waterboarded. Just, you know, for some perspective.


I sat down today with the intention of writing some brief, articulate, evenhanded explanations of what each of these means to you and me, but after a couple sentences it just turned into something like SHITSHITSHITSHITASDERLSKDFLKSDFKLFHATEFUCKHAAAATE.

Smashing my face into a bloody, enraged mess against my keyboard probably won’t illuminate the situation much, so you’ll just have to interpret the articles yourself, I suppose.

Like a big boy.


In a way it’s almost inspiring to see our Rulers coming together, Democratic and Republican, crossing party lines and putting their differences aside. Look at them all working hand in hand, united, to really stick it to us in defense of corporations and fascism and oppression.



Man nothing puts me in a shit mood like current events. It’s depressing as hell; every time I read the news it’s like finding out a friend has died, or that I’m moving to Cleveland.

It ruins my day every time. And I read it every day.



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