Archive for October, 2007

Ain’t no heaven, ain’t no burnin’ hell

Posted in Blog on October 17, 2007 by trevorgregg

“What a long day, god damn.”
“Seriously. Here, drink these beers.”
“So I’ve been working on these blueprints, right, and my boss comes in today out of NOWHERE and”
“Dude shut up, stop talking about work. Fuck. That’s all anybody talks about any more is their stupid job.”
“That’s true. We got old.”
“Did you hear about Marcos?”
“What?”
“He broke his ankle on Sunday.”
“Whaaa? How?”
“So he moved to that place in Oakland a couple weeks ago, and he hears this car alarm every morning. Every morning, right. Drives him crazy on weekends, the same fucking alarm, all the time.”
“Ok…”
“So he gets drunk as hell on Friday, goes home, gets woken up early by the alarm. He’s pissed. Crusty-eyed and half drunk, he goes outside to figure out which car it is, and he can’t find the damn thing. He hears the alarm, it sounds like it’s parked in his driveway, right, but he can’t figure out where it’s coming from. He gives up, goes back inside, the alarm stops.”
“What?”
“I’m not finished. So he goes out AGAIN Saturday night, gets wasted again, comes home at like 4:30. 7 AM rolls around, the alarm starts again. He gets up, goes to the bathroom, pukes, puts his pants on and goes outside with a baseball bat.”
“Oh god.”
“He still can’t find the thing! He wanders around for like 10 minutes and finally realizes it’s a fucking starling making the noise, sitting on the gutter right outside his window.”
“Hahahaha seriously?!
“Yeah! So he goes back inside, gets his BB gun, climbs out his window all hungover and shirtless, and shoots this fucking bird.”
“Haha!”
“Yeah! He shoots it right in its little loud ass bird head, stands up in triumph, knocks his dome on the open window, falls off his roof and breaks his ankle.”
“Oh god, hahaha.”

“I know there’s a moral in there somewhere, but damned if I can find it.”

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