Getting ahead in the lucrative field of artist management.

The word, I suppose, is anticipation.

A bit bland… It doesn’t carry the subtle innuendos of dread, of hope, of frenzy that I’d like it to, but it’ll do.

First, I will relate a True Anecdote as an example of Our Times.
I was sitting in the UU, reading quietly. Two dudes with stacks of paper approach me; not an uncommon sight at Poly. A normal person walks through the UU and sees me, I’m just another person reading by himself. A (insert completely trivial major here i.e. marketing, statistics, sociology, etc.) student walks through the UU and sees that same person, but with a two-story neon sign above his head which reads Please Come Give Me Your Survey Or Perhaps A Little Flyer About Meaningless Shit That I’ll Immediately Throw Away.

These two gents, well, they belong in one of two categories: Extremely Ballsy or Remarkably Unobservant. Beats me which column they fall in to, but seeing as how they selected me from amongst the sea of weaker prey sprawled across the benches, I conclude they must be one or the other. They introduced themselves, but I can’t remember their names. Forgive me, I do that. Chances are their names were Mike, so we’ll go with that.

Mike: “Hey, my friend Mike and I are in an advanced reporting course and would like to ask you a few questions. Would you mind?”
Me: “Is this about Jesus?”
Mike: “No, no it’s not.”
Me: “Ok then, go ahead.”
Other Mike: “Are you aware that the Tribune recently published an article revealing that more than 70% of Cal Poly professors are Liberals?”

Here we go. *shnickity shnick* out come the claws. I take a deep breath, as I set down my (no joke) copy of The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test on top of my binder with the anti-war rally flyer taped to the top. Somehow these fuckmooks seem to have mistaken me for one of their own horrible brethren. Either that or they didn’t see the tearstreaked, cowering faces of the dismally unlucky Campus Crusade for Christ kids who fled from their attempt to give me a survey last week. Either way, they continue.

The Mikes proceed to ask me ten or fifteen questions, all of which I do my best to answer without setting them on fire, or cussing. Before you accuse me of weakness, or dishonesty, know this: Nothing frustrates a republican like an articulate and informed response. I tell them, in my most condescending Bay Area intellectualite voice, what I think. Hidden between the lines of my calm and straightforward responses, however, lies the true message: Everything you believe in is horse shit and you’re ruining my country I hate you. Hard to hide something like that between the lines; such a sentence requires a bold 40 point underlined font at the bare minimum. Still, I tried.

One of my favorite little… quirks of people like the Mikes is the way they say liberal. Someone unfamiliar with the true definition of the word liberal could, upon hearing a Mike ask the question “Do you think it’s ok that there are many more liberals than conservatives in our academic community?”, come up with a variety of different possible meanings based purely on intonation and context.

“Do you think it’s ok that there are many more lepers than conservatives in our academic community?”

“Do you think it’s ok that there are many more rapists than conservatives in our academic community?”

“Do you think it’s ok that there are many more demon-possessed wart-ridden foul-mouthed ruthless murdering drunken cannibals than conservatives in our academic community?”

Harsh and dangerous interpretations for a word that is defined as one who supports liberty. And ya’ll know me, I’m just whacky for liberty.

My memory escapes me at this point. Many of the questions blur, and when I close my eyes to try and recall the specifics of the rest of our interview, all I see is red, red and hate.

Let’s reverse engineer these questions. Are you suggesting that the State, in whatever its manifestation, set up a sort of Affirmative Action for conservatives? I’ve heard faint rumblings of this in the last months, caught faint, sulphurous whiffs of this bullshit on the wind… You can not be serious. You can not ask me these questions with a straight face. It’s beyond the scope of human ability.

These are the people that want a Supreme Court Justice removed for banning the death penalty for minors. One article I read said that the ban on EXECUTING CHILDREN was part of the Supreme Court’s “War on Faith.” What? Words escape me. Perhaps my memory of the Bible fails me, but I don’t really recall a part where Jesus goes to bat for killing sixteen year olds. Maybe he snuck it in there somewhere between turning water into wine and telling everyone to love one another, and I just missed it.

The downward spiral of dumbness continues. Each day western civilization loses ground to the fanatics and the idiots. Even my own beloved California isn’t safe. Like killer bees, the terminally stupid have crept into our backyards and become an outright infestation. Fuck it. Freedom was fun while it lasted, but I suppose all good things come to an end. If these tools want to throw away things like rights, or peace, or economic prosperity then there’s not much I can do to stop them. It’s just unfortunate how many decent Americans they’ll take with them, when the Shit goes Down. Idiots.

There’s always Europe, or….

Brasil.

Wheels are in motion, friends. Vague, vaporous plans for a glorious return to paradise are solidifying. Nothing is settled per se, but I can nearly guarantee a big Just Graduated Get The Fuck Out in the near future. Salvador, Sao Paulo, Rio. Oh yes.

8 am lab, looks like I’ll have to cut this short. Peace.

-T.

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