Baby, cuz I’m a thug.

Programming assignments: 2
Trevor: 0

The scoreboard doesn’t lie. Programming is like some kind of disease, it gets into you and takes a gnarly toll on your health, your happiness, and your social life, and when you’re finished you’re way worse off than when you started. I would, no joke, rather get kicked in the junk than have a tough programming assignment. If I could walk into office hours and say “Listen up Prof, you and I both know my shit will never ever work, I’m wasting your time and mine, so why don’t you just rip me one in the jewels and give me a C- and we can both be on our way?” I’d totally do that shit. The fuckin sprinkles on the cupcake is that it’s not like I don’t try. Today alone I fucking hacked at my shit for 9 hours. I didn’t eat lunch, I didn’t play any video games, I didn’t leave the god damn lab. And it doesn’t work. Well, it like half assed works, but how many points do you get for a partially functional attempt? 0. The joys of computer engineering.

HATE.

Shoulda been a god damn English major. What was I thinking?

Well, it’s turned in now, so no use bitching about it. Fuck it. Let’s talk about the good things in life…

Actually, I guess there’s just one: capoeira.

I don’t like to write about capoeira, or even talk about it with non-capoeiristas. Not for any kind of secretive elitism, not that I don’t revel in secretive elitism from time to time, but because you can’t explain shit about it to somebody that doesn’t already know what you’re talking about. You can’t explain what red looks like to a blind dude, you can’t explain what that skunk corpse I found then hid in Peter’s glovebox smells like to a dude without a nose, and you can’t explain what capoeira is like to somebody that doesn’t already know.

Lord knows I’ve tried. Beware, ye who would ask my loud ass about my martial art of choice, because I don’t shut up. I’m a verbose motherfucker and will spout Portuglish for hours about capoeira to anyone who’ll listen, but it doesn’t matter cuz they won’t get it. It defies description, quantification, explanation, and the laws of physics.

That being said, you’ll have to go out on a limb here and trust me that, without any reasoning I could explain to you, capoeira is the best anything ever in the universe. Better than watermelon, better than rock and roll, better than sex, better than hockey, better than hard drugs, better than anything. Taking / leading classes and playing cap with my good friends stands as the one beacon of fun, expression, and sanity in my otherwise mediocre existence. For two hours my academic woes, my dwindling romantic prospects, my god damn ancient house with unpotable water, and my fucking dentist appointment all disappeared. It’s like pure, unpasteurized radical, from concentrate.

Strange days….

Laid out on the rack of life; at one end is loathsome school and the Dodgers and all the badness of the world, at the other is capoeira and good books and warm weather, and the two just keep cranking away in opposite directions. Wonder when I’ll break.

Pete showed me this ad in the Daily, our school’s dismal attempt at a news publication, for columnists….

Hmm… marinate on that shit for a minute. Fame. Fortune. Writing.

What could I write about in said column?

Politics? It’s so 1999…
Fashion? Hah.
Geeky shit? Well yeah but then there goes the fame and or fortune. I’d transmogrify into some kind of minor geek deity, worshipped by the drooling hordes of engineers as the voice of their sex deprived unkempt awkward ass generation… Could be worse, I suppose.

Well shit, what else do I know about? The guy that writes the sex column is a tard, but I can’t spell labia, so that’s out….

Books? Capoeira? Me?

Why Trevor Is Awesome
by Trevor Gregg

rant rant rant cuss cuss rant you’re fat.

Don’t see that one being a big hit… Although you assholes read this damn thing all day, don’t you? Admit it. ADMIT IT. You adore me.

Whatever I’ll just go talk to the fucks, maybe they’ll assign me something, or turn me away quicker a Jehovah’s Witness with BO. Guess we’ll see.

Oh god, all the soreness just hit me at once. Capoeira is a drug, holy shit. What a come down, I feel like Hulk Hogan just walked in on me and his daughter in a compromising position, and then dealt with me in an appropriately Hulkamaniacal manner. My everything hurts.

Ibuprofen!

-T.

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